Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
