I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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