Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
