sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
