the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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