If i come over, it means nothing
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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