i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
