We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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