...so i touched it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it was like eating out sand paper
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ttyl tear gas
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
