At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
