like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
