Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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