after a month anything with tits is on the radar
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize