My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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