drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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