My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
