Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
