Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
