I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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