is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Im part way to drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
