i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
