She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Holy sore nipples Batman
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
