I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize