I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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