he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
