your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
