yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
