Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
