Where did you get a picture of my penis
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
