alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
