i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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