I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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