sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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