all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
