did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
