last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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