my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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