So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Vodka?
Forever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize