so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
