Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The feeling are messing with the penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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