we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
