I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
