i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
