I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What a dumb baby whore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
