Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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