Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
