His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize