who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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