They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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