8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
