She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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