I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize