Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
