You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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