Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've blown a few things in my day
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
its liver damage thursday
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
