I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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