I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
