I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
