And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
