i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
