wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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