yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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