good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
