my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
