also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
