I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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