dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize