Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
